Drew followed in his father's footsteps and joined the U.S. Army, where he lost close friends while he was deployed. A month after returning home, Drew started experiencing symptoms of PTSD. He began pushing away his family and friends, and his parents didn’t know how to encourage him to seek help. Hear how this military family was able to reconnect through mental health treatment and recovery.
View Video TranscriptDrew:
My therapist at the VA medical center was focused on giving me the tools to work, to make sure that I didn't get overwhelmed by all that stress again. My name is Drew. I was a 13 alpha field artillery officer. I was in the Army, and I served from 2009 to 2019. My dad was in the military, and he wasn't around a lot. He was only around when, like, report cards came out, basically, so I was raised mostly by my mother and my grandmother.
Tina:
My name is Tina, and Drew is my son. Now, as Drew became a young man, it was very hard for him not to be around his dad.
Dennis:
My first name is Dennis, and I am Drew's father. I was in the United States Army and served most of my time in Special Forces. I was gone a lot.
Tina:
When Drew was getting ready to graduate high school, he did come to his father and I and voiced that he would like to enlist in the Army.
Dennis:
Frankly, I almost had a heart attack.
Tina:
He did not want to follow in his father's footsteps at all. He wanted to be better than his father.
Drew:
I got my orders that said I was going to Afghanistan. So I'm flying over there with nothing but a knife, and then once I get off the airplane and the alarms go off and everybody starts like looking around like, "Oh, is this just a drill to see what's going to go on?" And so I started like yelling at people to put on their body armor and their helmets and stuff, and then somebody comes running and is like, "What are you guys doing the airfields are under attack?"
Dennis:
I got a phone call, and I stepped outside the car.
Tina:
And he said, "Dad, I don't have any weapons, and they're bombing us right now."
Dennis:
And I probably turned white as a ghost.
Tina:
So I remember feeling just concern and just scared to death, really.
Drew:
We start hearing chatter about how there was a mass casualty event, and as we're kind of talking amongst ourselves, somebody runs up and they're like, "Hey, we need everybody on the landing zone right now. Bring every medical piece of equipment you have." We get there, and these two Blackhawks come in. We start just grabbing guys so we can start triaging them. Everything was so hectic that nobody really knew what was going on.
Tina:
Andrew had lost a lot of buddies. A lot of buddies had been injured, severely injured.
Drew:
I didn't take time to process it because I felt like, as an officer, my job was to be the lighthouse for everybody else to like keep their eyes on and know where they were and what they were supposed to do. And so I just went straight back to work.
Drew:
It wasn't until about a month after I'd gotten out in 2019 that it hit me.
Tina:
I'm a marriage and family therapist, and so I studied PTSD quite intensively. I did know that the PTSD had control over him. He tried to blame it on his childhood, that his father wasn't there and things like that.
Dennis:
He had seen a lot of things that he never expected to see in his life, and I knew that. I knew he needed help, but we didn't know how to approach him to get help for him.
Drew:
I pushed everybody away. I pushed my wife at the time away. I stopped talking to my family, and I just retreated inside myself.
Tina:
I believe that he hit rock bottom. He was very scared that maybe he could take his life. It was a really dark time for our family.
Drew:
I had no family around anymore, and that's when I realized I needed help. So my first visit to the vet center, I went in there, the counselor there at the vet center talked to me for two hours and kind of got me to a place where he felt like I was safe to leave. Meeting with the psychologist, she listened to me talk for about two minutes, and she was just like, "Yeah, you've got all the symptoms, depression, anxiety, posttraumatic stress disorder."
So when I went to CBT, a lot of it was learning how to deal with the stress that was already in my life. That opened up all kinds of doors for me. And it's allowed me to be more open and honest with people, which I thought previously that the best thing for me to do was just keep things inside and not tell people because I didn't want to burden people with my problems, and I realized that that actually pushes people away. And that you, if you are open with people, how you feel, then people can learn to relate to you.
Until I had kind of reconnected with my parents, there was going to be this hole in me that I wasn't going to be able to fill, and I hadn't really talked to my parents in about three years. So I called them and just asked them if I could come down sometime and talk to them.
Dennis:
Andy came to our house. I believe that he always felt that I hadn't been the father that he wanted me to be.
Drew:
And I had originally wanted to go down there and just kind of unload on him. I was like so angry about things. And I wanted to say, like, "You did this. You did that."
Tina:
He did come to our house. And he said that, "I don't want you to get too excited. I'm only going to be here for a few hours. I'm going to say what I need to say, and then I'm going to leave."
And I said, "Okay." I didn't care what he said. It had been so long since I'd seen him. So he got out, off of his chest, what he had to say, and then it was my husband's turn.
Dennis:
I said, I don't know what happened to me. I don't know what caused it, but I had been a real jerk in my life up to that minute, because I never thought I had been affected by anything. But I realized, at that moment, on that day, that my life had not been as what I thought it was.
Drew:
And he apologized to me. And then when he apologized, like that was it. It all just kind of melted away from me, and it was like I had this huge burden come off my shoulders.
Drew:
Rebuilding my relationship with him has kind of reinforced the idea that I'm not alone, and that, all things being equal, like there's somebody else out there who has walked in the same shoes as me.
Tina:
After Andrew started seeking treatment, it was 180 degrees.
Dennis:
His whole personality has changed since he began receiving help from the VA. He's just relaxed, open. You can communicate. Now, my life with him is everything I always wanted it to be. It's actually more therapeutic for me than it is for him because I get to just sit back and enjoy being with my son and listening to him tell me about some of the experiences of his life.
Drew:
Getting help brought me together with a lot of people that I had pushed away and got me outside. Staying active is important because an active body leads to an active mind, and it gives you something to focus on besides the world around you.
Tina:
I cannot tell you how proud I am of the man that he has become.
Dennis:
I was just thrilled and proud of it. I couldn't ask for anything better.
Tina:
He was my son again. He was loving. He was affectionate. He was caring, considerate, sympathetic. It was a blessing. It really was a blessing. I had my son back.
Drew:
Don't give up. Keep fighting. If you fight hard enough, you'll find somebody out there that will take your hand and help guide you to where you need to be.
Tina:
If there are Service members out there that need treatment, I know it's difficult to do, but you have to let go of the stigma and seek help, for yourself and also for your family.
Dennis:
Nothing but good could come out of it. Nothing but good.
Drew:
There's plenty of people who've been in your shoes that want to help you get to a better place.
No matter what you may be experiencing, there is support for getting your life on a better track. Many, many Veterans have found the strength to reach out and make the connection.
An online source of information for persons seeking treatment facilities in the United States or U.S. territories for substance abuse/addiction and/or mental health problems.
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A flashback can be distressing for you and those around you. Try grounding yourself by focusing on details of your surroundings or neutral physical sensations, such as the feeling of your feet on the floor. Call someone you trust and tell them what is happening. Your family, friends, or health care provider may be able to provide support and help you deal with your flashbacks. Learn more steps you can take on our Flashbacks page.
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Learn what triggers episodes of noise or light irritation. Try making adjustments to computer and TV screens, and ensure you get the right amount of sleep. If you're taking medication and want to know if it could be affecting your sensitivity to noise or light, talk to your doctor. Certain drugs or medications may cause vision or hearing problems. Never stop taking a prescription without first consulting a medical professional. Learn more steps you can take on our Noise or Light Irritation page.
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Nightmares
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To manage upsetting feelings after a nightmare, focus on what's real by touching and describing objects around you. If you're unable to sleep within 15 minutes, leave your bed briefly to wash your hands or drink water while avoiding any strenuous activity. Also, talk to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions. Learn more steps you can take on our Nightmares page.
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What can I do about drinking or drug use?
There are many options for Veterans who want to cut down on or stop drinking alcohol or using drugs. One option is counseling, either one-on-one or in a group. Another involves medication to help reduce use. A third option is mutual-help groups. You can work with your doctor or counselor and try different types of treatment to find the one that's best for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Alcohol or Drug Misuse page.
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Gambling
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If I’m experiencing a gambling problem, what can I do about it right away?
The first step in addressing your challenges is to acknowledge that gambling has become a problem in your life and recognize that it is possible to make a change. Practice relaxation exercises such as deep breathing to manage stress and urges to gamble. Spend time with supportive people who do not gamble, and talk with your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions that are right for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Gambling page.
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New to VA? Apply for health care benefits. Getting started is simple. Create a free account online to help ease your enrollment process. There’s a whole community of support ready to help with whatever you’re going through. Use this tool to find resources near you.
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Reckless Behavior
Got it. Here are some videos for you!
Video Title: “Each day was a new opportunity.” Veteran Reflects on Sobriety Journey
Video Title: I was carrying a heavy load
Video Title: Veteran strength to reach recovery
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What can I do if I’ve noticed myself engaging in reckless behavior?
There are ways to prevent yourself from engaging in risky behavior. Plan to avoid situations that might lead to recklessness. For example, leave early or late to avoid rush-hour traffic, or arrange a ride home if you'll be drinking. Talking with your family members, close friends, or a health care provider may help you find support and resources to address your challenges. Learn more steps you can take on our Reckless Behavior page.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Take the next step to connect with care.
New to VA? Apply for health care benefits. Getting started is simple. Create a free account online to help ease your enrollment process. There’s a whole community of support ready to help with whatever you’re going through. Use this tool to find resources near you.
Is there anything else we can help you with?
Show me all videos on Reckless Behavior.
Is there anything else we can help you with?