Tonya was sexually assaulted while serving in the Navy overseas. After returning home, her family relationships became strained, and she sought mental health treatment through VA. Therapy helped turn Tonya’s life around, and she was able to finally tell her story. Now, she has found great joy in her relationship with her daughter.
View Video TranscriptTonya:
My name is Tonya. I served in the Navy from 1994-1998 in Bremerton, Washington. I was on a ship, and we were pulled into port in one of the foreign countries. When you're on liberty, you're able to go out in town. So, it was myself, the van driver, and two men got in, and one was really drunk and belligerent, and I kept saying, “You need to calm down.” The gentleman that I was sitting next to, he wound up grabbing one of my arms and started feeling me up, and I was like you know, “You need to stop.” The van all of a sudden stopped, and I believe the van driver and the guy that was sitting up front joined in as well. And so, I was basically attacked in the van. To have your uniform literally ripped off of you is very embarrassing.
I didn’t want to discuss it at that time. I didn’t want to go to see one of the corpsmen or anything. I just wanted to be left alone, and everything went downhill from there, as far as my job performance. It got so bad to the point where I had wrote it down in my diary what had happened, and unfortunately, I misplaced my diary, and it was found what had happened, and it was passed around the ship. It was very tough to have that open and out on the ship, and it wound up being to the point where I was seeking treatment.
I would be seen by a male physician, and I’m like, and they would say, “Why are you here? What is wrong?” I’m like, “I don’t want to talk to you,” and I would wait to see if a female nurse would come in, or a female corpsman or something, and it was always males. And so, I wound up holding on to that for years. It ended my career on a sour note because of that, and because I couldn’t tell my story to anyone. I was too afraid. I didn’t want to be looked at differently.
Not only to lose my career, I lost my spouse. We were divorced. I went from a ton of friends to none. I was so scared of people and to go out. My family, my parents, my brother, my sister, my daughter, relatives were saying, “We literally have to walk on shells...eggshells around you. We don’t know what to say. You make us cry. You have no tact. You don’t care. You slam doors. You throw things down, and you’re like acting up. We don’t know what’s wrong with you.”
I felt like, at that time, when I first got out, Veterans were for older people or that Vietnam Era. And so, I didn’t think that it would apply to me that I could talk to anyone. I went to it was like a Veteran stand down event, and that’s when I was told, “You are eligible for VA benefits. Come and fill out the eligibility.” I got connected to the system, and that’s when I said, “Do you have female providers in mental health by any chance?” “Yes, we do.” “So, you do? I’d like to talk to one.” So, I was put with a psychologist, and boy she was great. And she said, “You know, you’ve got a lot of stuff that you’re dealing and coping with, and you need to see a psychiatrist and get some medication going.”
It took about 10 visits for me to really say why I wanted to see a female. I’d say it took about six months for me to actually begin to start seeing change. Oh man, I’m a whole different person. I’ve exceeded my goals. I wound up graduating in higher education with multiple degrees I hold. My daughter, the two-year-old back then, she’ll be 21 in a few months, and I can’t believe that we have the best relationship ever.
There are a lot of us out there that have suffered assaults and are afraid to just tell someone, but when you do, the help that you receive will be very great. Sometimes, invisible illnesses or invisible things, you don’t have to show it, but you can still receive help. It’s okay.
No matter what you may be experiencing, there is support for getting your life on a better track. Many, many Veterans have found the strength to reach out and make the connection.
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If you are experiencing dizziness, lie down for a few minutes with your head slightly elevated. Lifestyle changes such as drinking more water, getting enough rest, and avoiding alcohol or drugs can help. Medications and medical conditions such as heart disease or ear issues can also cause dizziness; consult a medical provider if you get dizzy on a regular basis. If you suddenly lose function in part of your body (e.g., arm weakness, face drooping, difficulty speaking) along with experiencing vertigo, this can indicate a serious problem, such as a stroke. Call 911 and seek medical help immediately. Learn more steps you can take on our Dizziness page.
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A flashback can be distressing for you and those around you. Try grounding yourself by focusing on details of your surroundings or neutral physical sensations, such as the feeling of your feet on the floor. Call someone you trust and tell them what is happening. Your family, friends, or health care provider may be able to provide support and help you deal with your flashbacks. Learn more steps you can take on our Flashbacks page.
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Learn what triggers episodes of noise or light irritation. Try making adjustments to computer and TV screens, and ensure you get the right amount of sleep. If you're taking medication and want to know if it could be affecting your sensitivity to noise or light, talk to your doctor. Certain drugs or medications may cause vision or hearing problems. Never stop taking a prescription without first consulting a medical professional. Learn more steps you can take on our Noise or Light Irritation page.
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Nightmares
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To manage upsetting feelings after a nightmare, focus on what's real by touching and describing objects around you. If you're unable to sleep within 15 minutes, leave your bed briefly to wash your hands or drink water while avoiding any strenuous activity. Also, talk to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions. Learn more steps you can take on our Nightmares page.
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High-Risk Activities
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What can I do about drinking or drug use?
There are many options for Veterans who want to cut down on or stop drinking alcohol or using drugs. One option is counseling, either one-on-one or in a group. Another involves medication to help reduce use. A third option is mutual-help groups. You can work with your doctor or counselor and try different types of treatment to find the one that's best for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Alcohol or Drug Misuse page.
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Gambling
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If I’m experiencing a gambling problem, what can I do about it right away?
The first step in addressing your challenges is to acknowledge that gambling has become a problem in your life and recognize that it is possible to make a change. Practice relaxation exercises such as deep breathing to manage stress and urges to gamble. Spend time with supportive people who do not gamble, and talk with your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions that are right for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Gambling page.
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Reckless Behavior
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What can I do if I’ve noticed myself engaging in reckless behavior?
There are ways to prevent yourself from engaging in risky behavior. Plan to avoid situations that might lead to recklessness. For example, leave early or late to avoid rush-hour traffic, or arrange a ride home if you'll be drinking. Talking with your family members, close friends, or a health care provider may help you find support and resources to address your challenges. Learn more steps you can take on our Reckless Behavior page.
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