Hector fought as an Army Ranger, but his biggest battles were after deployment. From flashbacks that almost cost him his life, to posttraumatic stress, and finally becoming a counselor for Veterans himself, Hector learned firsthand about the power of resilience. Find out how he reclaimed his life by getting help from VA.
View Video TranscriptHector:
My name is Hector. I served in the Army for 18 years and I got out as a First Sergeant E8. I was deployed 13 times; things called Operations other than War, Conflict Operations, and Combat Operations. But then when it got down to the operation that really started triggering me was when I went into Kosovo in 1998 to 1999. Some of the things that I saw. I've been to a lot of places. I've seen poverty. I've seen hopelessness and helplessness. I've seen death and some of those things were already triggering me. When I saw innocent civilians being just like slaughtered and not being able to do anything about it, that's when I started questioning what I'm doing.
Trista:
Early on, when I knew I'm in the military and he already had PTSD, everything was life or death. He trained as life and death because that's the way he survives and everything set him off. I mean, he was a crusty, cranky old guy who had seen too much death and too much combat and that's the way he lived his life and it used to be that everything set him off.
Hector:
I'm supposed to know everything that's supposed to happen with me. I'm supposed to be mentally fit and morally straight; you know physically and strong and all these other things. I never failed my comrades. I always keep myself ready to go on a moment's notice and here I was. Once in a while, my hand would shake. I would be seeing demons is what I call it, demon chasing. I would wake up in the middle of night, sweats, but January 24, 2004, I was in a dissociative state when I faced off with eight Lakeville Police Officers here in Minnesota and I thought that I was facing off with an armed combatant.
Trista:
Hector had a psychotic episode with his PTSD and an armed standoff with police.
Hector:
In my mind, I was on an urbanized operation doing room clearing operations and when I finally started coming through and all this, I started realizing, either I've lost my mind or something else is going on here or maybe all of the above. It was when I was in jail actually that my lawyer who was retained came and visited me and said, Hector, there is one to two things going on here. I'm willing to take your case, but I need to know which one you are. You're either a person who needs help or you're a criminal. Which are you? I'm not a criminal, sir and I don't need help. He said, no, Hector, you don't get it. You're either a criminal or you're a person who needs help. Which is it? So, he forced me to say, I need help, and as I did over that next year, I got better. You know, I still had feelings of slight agoraphobia, not wanting to go out in public; thinking that, you know, everything is dangerous; helplessness; hopelessness. I had a lot of nightmares, but I was processing it finally. I was talking about it and somebody was normalizing it for me; telling me, what you went through is not normal and therefore, what you're going through now is normal.
Trista:
The kids were really on edge most of the time because they knew that whatever his mood was when he came home from work and he walked in the door would dictate whether they'd have a good evening or a bad evening.
Hector:
The blinds needed to be turned a specific way at a certain time. I mean, I would literally say, “Secure the house,” and I taught the boys how to turn the blinds, where I want the blinds. I was still 0 to 100 mph.
Trista:
It used to be that everything set him off; things out of place, disorder, noise, crowds. We've come a long way and he's, you know, done mental health training. He's now a therapist himself, but it's something that, you know, he still has, and he still deals with.
Hector:
The most well-rounded warrior eventually understands that this is a part of what happens when you do what you're going to do. Part of the Ranger Creed says, “Fully knowing the hazards of my chosen profession.” You know, if we're going to live up to the creeds that we talk about, the values that we talk about, then that also means keeping yourself, you know, mentally strong. You have to go and exercise that part of your psyche. You have to go in and say, alright, if I'm gonna be the best warrior I can be, I have to have the courage to be able to go in and talk to somebody. The Veteran has to have the courage to step forward. The warrior has to say, I am courageous, and not let that stigma sit there and saying, you know, I'm a wimp because of this. No, you're gonna be a better person because of this.
No matter what you may be experiencing, there is support for getting your life on a better track. Many, many Veterans have found the strength to reach out and make the connection.
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If you find yourself living with guilt or remorse about a past action or inaction, try to set aside time to think about your feelings. Remember that everyone has things they would have done differently—but no one can change the past or predict the future. Sometimes the experience is worse if you keep your feelings to yourself. Telling someone, like a family member or friend, about your regrets or guilty feelings can be a good first step to overcoming them. Learn more steps you can take on our Guilt page.
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If you are experiencing loss of interest or pleasure, try to plan a pleasurable activity daily, even if it's something small. Physical activity can improve your mood and help you sleep better. Talking to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're feeling can also be helpful. They may be able to provide support and help you discover what is causing you to lose interest in things you once enjoyed. Learn more steps you can take on our Loss of Interest or Pleasure page.
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Allowing social withdrawal or social isolation to continue unchecked will only make your situation more challenging. Consider reaching out to your family members, friends, or health care provider, even though it may be the last thing you feel like doing. Connect with Veterans' groups or participate in clubs or hobbies focused on something you like. Research shows that spending time talking with others improves your mood and has a positive effect on health. Learn more steps you can take on our Social Withdrawal and Isolation page.
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There are several ways to improve your sleep right away: (1) Make your bedroom a place just for sleeping—not for activities like watching TV, reading, working, or listening to the radio. (2) Avoid light exposure from screens at night, which can throw off your sleep cycle. (3) Avoid alcohol and large meals near bedtime. (4) Maintain a regular sleep schedule. In addition, talking with your family members, close friends, or a health care provider may help you find support and resources to address your challenges. Learn more steps you can take on our Trouble Sleeping page.
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If you are experiencing confusion, try to slow down and focus on the task at hand. Take regular breaks to avoid feeling tired and overwhelmed. Avoid drinking alcohol, which can make confusion worse. Talk to your health care provider to determine whether a medical condition such as TBI might be contributing to the problem. You can also talk to a pharmacist about the possible effects of medications you're taking. Learn more steps you can take on our Confusion page.
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If you are experiencing difficulty concentrating, avoid distractions like loud music or the television. Develop a routine and try to stick to a regular schedule. Additionally, take regular breaks to prevent feeling tired. Talk to your health care provider to determine whether a condition such as TBI, ADHD, or anxiety might be contributing to the problem. You can also talk to a pharmacist about the possible effects of medications you're taking. Learn more steps you can take on our Difficulty Concentrating page.
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If you are experiencing dizziness, lie down for a few minutes with your head slightly elevated. Lifestyle changes such as drinking more water, getting enough rest, and avoiding alcohol or drugs can help. Medications and medical conditions such as heart disease or ear issues can also cause dizziness; consult a medical provider if you get dizzy on a regular basis. If you suddenly lose function in part of your body (e.g., arm weakness, face drooping, difficulty speaking) along with experiencing vertigo, this can indicate a serious problem, such as a stroke. Call 911 and seek medical help immediately. Learn more steps you can take on our Dizziness page.
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Flashbacks
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If I’m experiencing a flashback, what can I do about it right away?
A flashback can be distressing for you and those around you. Try grounding yourself by focusing on details of your surroundings or neutral physical sensations, such as the feeling of your feet on the floor. Call someone you trust and tell them what is happening. Your family, friends, or health care provider may be able to provide support and help you deal with your flashbacks. Learn more steps you can take on our Flashbacks page.
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Noise or Light Irritation
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If I'm experiencing noise or light irritation, what can I do about it right away?
Learn what triggers episodes of noise or light irritation. Try making adjustments to computer and TV screens, and ensure you get the right amount of sleep. If you're taking medication and want to know if it could be affecting your sensitivity to noise or light, talk to your doctor. Certain drugs or medications may cause vision or hearing problems. Never stop taking a prescription without first consulting a medical professional. Learn more steps you can take on our Noise or Light Irritation page.
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Nightmares
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If I’m having nightmares, what can I do about it right away?
To manage upsetting feelings after a nightmare, focus on what's real by touching and describing objects around you. If you're unable to sleep within 15 minutes, leave your bed briefly to wash your hands or drink water while avoiding any strenuous activity. Also, talk to your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions. Learn more steps you can take on our Nightmares page.
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High-Risk Activities
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Alcohol or Drug Misuse
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What can I do about drinking or drug use?
There are many options for Veterans who want to cut down on or stop drinking alcohol or using drugs. One option is counseling, either one-on-one or in a group. Another involves medication to help reduce use. A third option is mutual-help groups. You can work with your doctor or counselor and try different types of treatment to find the one that's best for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Alcohol or Drug Misuse page.
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Gambling
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Video Title: After Challenges With Gambling and Substance Use, Veteran Finds Tools To Recover
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If I’m experiencing a gambling problem, what can I do about it right away?
The first step in addressing your challenges is to acknowledge that gambling has become a problem in your life and recognize that it is possible to make a change. Practice relaxation exercises such as deep breathing to manage stress and urges to gamble. Spend time with supportive people who do not gamble, and talk with your family, friends, or health care provider about what you're experiencing. They may be able to provide support and help you find solutions that are right for you. Learn more steps you can take on our Gambling page.
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Reckless Behavior
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What can I do if I’ve noticed myself engaging in reckless behavior?
There are ways to prevent yourself from engaging in risky behavior. Plan to avoid situations that might lead to recklessness. For example, leave early or late to avoid rush-hour traffic, or arrange a ride home if you'll be drinking. Talking with your family members, close friends, or a health care provider may help you find support and resources to address your challenges. Learn more steps you can take on our Reckless Behavior page.
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