“Life as I knew it changed.” Veteran Shares His Recovery Journey
It was scarier going into my first college class than it was going on my first patrol. I knew who I was prior. I knew who I was in, but I had no idea who I was gonna be when I got out.
Hey, I'm Jon. I was in the United States Army. I served as an 11 Bravo infantryman from 2008 to 2011. Life as I knew it changed very dramatically, very quickly. We left for Afghanistan in March of 2009. Where my mental health got impacted was losing my platoon leader and prior to that mission, having physically drawing straws with the other person that had experience running the radios, him getting killed on that mission, serving in that role that I had a 50:50 shot of being in.
There was a feeling of a loss of self. And I think it was Christmas right before I got out of the Army that my mom, who I'm very blessed to have in my life, that's a psychologist, said to me, "Hey, do you realize how much alcohol you had at Christmas dinner? Here's what you're gonna do. Here's your unlimited yoga card. You're gonna go and do a 30-day challenge. And then when you get out of the military, we're gonna find you a really good therapist." And I was lucky enough on my first day to meet an EMDR therapist. She said, "Yeah, I'll absolutely see you. I don't see a lot of Veterans." But I felt very safe with her, which I think was important. And I saw her every day, shoot, for probably the first two weeks, do an EMDR and then twice a week for about a year and a half, just to really get through everything that was going on. The freeze response, the hypervigilance, the aggression. EMDR stands for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. EMDR goes in there, stimulates both sides of the brain, allows you to unlock the amygdala, get in there and consolidate everything, and really reprogram it in a way that's healthy and allows you to heal and move forward from whatever that trauma is. And everything was okay for seven or eight years after I completed EMDR. And then 2020 rolls around. I'm left with my thoughts.
My relationships are falling apart. I'm isolating myself. And I had done some browsing online about the benefits of ketamine therapy. It took the armor off that I was carrying for so long and allowed me to finally relax. I think in conjunction with therapy and a desire and a will to get better, it's wonderful.
For me, if I start my day with physical exercise, I'm a much better person the entire day. So it's either cardio or running or I'll go swim for a mile. But it's really, treatment has to be individualized and you have to find what works best for you and don't give up when things get frustrating 'cause it does. You're gonna be just fine. You know, I know that the VA's always got my back.
I'm in a relationship now with somebody who is in mental health herself, but I feel supported by her, I feel supported by the VA. I have a great group of friends that I've been able to stay in touch with. Not only that I served with, but that I met in college. Getting out of your house will get you out of your head and it'll also get you out in the environment where you can see things, you can meet people. If you don't get control of what's going on inside, it's going to get control of you. There's no way to win unless you tackle it head on. 'Cause you can't drink it away. You can't smoke it away. You have to go out there and actively take it on like it's the enemy that you were against in war. The true strength is asking for help or seeking it out.
